Note: While reading a book whenever I come across something interesting, I highlight it on my Kindle. Later I turn those highlights into a blogpost. It is not a complete summary of the book. These are my notes which I intend to go back to later. Let’s start!

  • Conveying is nothing more than the gateway of communication. The final objective is the establishment of consensus. Conveying does not have meaning on its own. It is only when the content of what is conveyed has been understood and a certain consensus has been reached, that communication has meaning. So, we are talking together in this way with the aim of getting to some point of consensus.

  • You feel annoyed by having to communicate with your students with words, and you are rebuking them to try to force them into quick submission. Using anger as a weapon, wielding guns of reproach, brandishing the sword of authority. This is an immature and foolish attitude for an educator to have.

  • Violence, which includes reprimand, is a form of communication that reveals one’s immaturity as a human being. This is something that the children know well enough themselves. Whenever they receive reprimands, in addition to their fear of violent conduct, at an unconscious level they have the insight that ‘This is an immature person.’ This is a much bigger problem than the adults think. Could you respect an immature human being? And could you have a real feeling of being respected by someone who threatens you in a violent manner? There is no respect in communication with anger and violence. Rather, such communication invites contempt. That reprimand does not lead to substantive improvement is a self-evident truth. On this point, Adler states, ‘Anger is an emotion that pulls people apart.’

  • When we give counselling, we are always very careful not to put the client in a position of ‘dependence’ and ‘irresponsibility’. Counselling that allows the client to say, ‘Thanks to you, I’m all better’ is not solving anything. Because put another way, what they are really saying is: ‘I can’t do anything by myself.’

  • Rather than expecting gratitude from the students, one has the feeling of contribution that one has been able to contribute to the grand objective of self-reliance. One finds happiness in the feeling of contribution. That is the only way.

  • If you are hoping to receive gratitude from your students—if ‘It’s thanks to you that . . .’ are words you are waiting to hear—then please know that, in effect, you are standing in the way of their self-reliance.