I will say NO to your request to catch up
I wrote a thread recently on why I turn down most catch up requests. Turning it into a blogpost (with some minor edits)
/threadstarts
Till I was in my mid 20s I used to meet people just because they were from college or we had worked together somewhere
These were what people call ‘social commitments’
I used to go to parties I did not want because I was scared people would call me a spoilsport otherwise
As I moved towards my late 20s, I realised how transient most relationships are
You barely talk to/meet people you once thought of as “close friends”
Once you move jobs, cities very few of these people will remain with you
So I started asking myself
‘If I don’t go this party how much will this person care or even I will care later
The answer generally is Not much
‘Will I want to meet the person I am meeting today after 5 years too?’
Again the answer is mostly No
So I stopped bothering with these ‘social commitments’
Now I only meet people I really want to meet
These are the people who I meet and then feel more optimistic and happy about myself
People for whom I set an alarm call in the morning saying “IMP Meet X in the evening”
Another filter: If there was no alcohol involved would I still meet this person?
Is this catch-up happening only because both of us have nothing else to do and hence we are ok spending 3 hours asking “aur batao” over beer while waiting for the evening to get over?
Or is it because I am really looking forward to meet this person and hence am prioritising this person over dozen other things I could do?
I have very few regrets about not meeting people
But I have loads about
Going to parties I did not want but went because the person asked a dozen times and I just could not say No
Meeting someone knowing we will just bitch and take each others case
And I will just fake smile through the whole thing waiting to come back home
Saying No has become second nature now
Thanks to good defaults:
- Reading (books/articles)
- Spending time with my gf
- Occasional travel
- Learning one new thing or the other,
the cost of saying Yes is much more than me sticking to my defaults
This is not a meta thread I wrote so that I can forward it to someone while I say No to their invitation :)
It took me a lot of time to learn this
I wish I was better at saying No when I was in college
And saying No is one topic I talk about often in my tweets/posts
/end