I wrote a thread recently on why I turn down most catch up requests. Turning it into a blogpost (with some minor edits)
Till I was in my mid 20s I used to meet people just because they were from college or we had worked together somewhere.
These were what people call ‘social commitments’.
I used to go to parties I did not want because I was scared people would call me a spoilsport otherwise.
As I moved towards my late 20s, I realised how transient most relationships are.
You barely talk to/meet people you once thought of as “close friends”.
Once you move jobs, cities very few of these people will remain with you.
So I started asking myself.
‘If I don’t go this party how much will this person care or even I will care later.
The answer generally is Not much.
‘Will I want to meet the person I am meeting today after 5 years too?’
Again the answer is mostly No.
So I stopped bothering with these ‘social commitments’.
Now I only meet people I really want to meet.
These are the people who I meet and then feel more optimistic and happy about myself.
People for whom I set an alarm call in the morning saying “IMP Meet X in the evening.”
Another filter: If there was no alcohol involved would I still meet this person?
Is this catch-up happening only because both of us have nothing else to do and hence we are ok spending 3 hours asking “aur batao” over beer while waiting for the evening to get over?
Or is it because I am really looking forward to meet this person and hence am prioritising this person over dozen other things I could do?
I have very few regrets about not meeting people.
But I have loads about:
Going to parties I did not want but went because the person asked a dozen times and I just could not say No.
Meeting someone knowing we will just bitch and take each others case.
And I will just fake smile through the whole thing waiting to come back home.
Saying No has become second nature now.
Thanks to good defaults:
- Reading (books/articles)
- Spending time with my gf
- Occasional travel
- Learning one new thing or the other
the cost of saying Yes is much more than me sticking to my defaults.
This is not a meta thread I wrote so that I can forward it to someone while I say No to their invitation.
It took me a lot of time to learn this.
I wish I was better at saying No when I was in college.
And saying No is one topic I talk about often in my tweets/posts.