I wrote a thread recently on why I turn down most catch up requests. Turning it into a blogpost (with some minor edits)


Till I was in my mid 20s I used to meet people just because they were from college or we had worked together somewhere.

These were what people call ‘social commitments’.

I used to go to parties I did not want because I was scared people would call me a spoilsport otherwise.

As I moved towards my late 20s, I realised how transient most relationships are.

You barely talk to/meet  people you once thought of as “close friends”.

Once you move jobs, cities very few of these people will remain with you.

So I started asking myself.

‘If I don’t go this party how much will this person care or even I will care later.

The answer generally is Not much.

‘Will I want to meet the person I am meeting today after 5 years too?’

Again the answer is mostly No.

So I stopped bothering with these ‘social commitments’.

Now I only meet people I really want to meet.

These are the people who I meet and then feel more optimistic and happy about myself.

People for whom I set an alarm call in the morning saying “IMP Meet X in the evening.”

Another filter: If there was no alcohol involved would I still meet this person?

Is this catch-up happening only because both of us have nothing else to do and hence we are ok spending 3 hours asking “aur batao” over beer while waiting for the evening to get over?

Or is it because I am really looking forward to meet this person and hence  am prioritising this person over dozen other things I could do?

I have very few regrets about not meeting people.

But I have loads about:

Going to parties I did not want but went because the person asked a dozen times and I just could not say No.

Meeting someone knowing we will just bitch and take each others case.

And I will just fake smile through the whole thing waiting to come back home.

Saying No has become second nature now.

Thanks to good defaults:

  1. Reading (books/articles)
  2. Spending time with my gf
  3. Occasional travel
  4. Learning one new thing or the other

the cost of saying Yes is much more than me sticking to my defaults.

This is not a meta thread I wrote so that I can forward it to someone while I say No to their invitation.

It took me a lot of time to learn this.

I wish I was better at saying No when I was in college.

And saying No is one topic I talk about often in my tweets/posts.