Agnostic

I have always considered myself an atheist. I was that annoying kid who would look forward to arguments on whether God exists. My dad tried his best to take me to the nearby temple but gave up soon. As I grew up I noticed something, which is best captured in this excerpt from Chetan Bhagat’s The 3 Mistakes of My Life. I remember reading this as a teenager and going “Hmm..I have also noticed the same. The people who are religious do seem peaceful. Maybe it is the belief that there is someone looking out for them.”

In my darkest times, I have wondered whether I should turn to God, even though I doubt their existence. As someone who considers himself a truth seeker this has been the biggest irony. I can accept that there is a God. Take comfort in their omnipresence. And hope that they will make sure everything is alright. But then I ask if that was the case why is there so much evil in the world. Why do people, who seem to be the worst that the humankind has to offer, become Presidents and Prime Ministers? Why would we have coronavirus and people dying around us?

So what is more important: The truth that there might not be a God or the belief that there is one and they are looking after us.

Is truth more important than peace?

Sometimes in my pursuit of truth, I have wondered if I am better of not knowing it. Example. If I knew my best friend was gossiping about me, should I feel happy knowing that, or was I better off not knowing that information in the first place.

I don’t know.

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