I saw a tweet from a friend about Bangalore being full of connected, but lonely people who jump in to join any meetup/WhatsApp group that becomes available. This is my issue with meetup/conference culture. Meetup culture is all about optionality. You think you’re going to meet someone new who is cool or can help you build your network. You want to join groups with 100 more strangers.

I think it’s a better idea to build stronger connections with the few people who matter, rather than looking for optionality. It also means having to lower your ego, which I’m happy to do when it comes to my old friends. I’m always happy to ping them whenever I get the chance, and I ask for calls. I’m the one asking them to hang out. Earlier, I used to think, “Why am I making the effort?” But then I realised it’s not for them. It’s for me!

I find my mood immediately improves when I talk to a friend who I have known for 10+ years. Everyone is busy. Everyone is stressed with their job and their personal life. People are married now. Some with kids. But that is where you have to put in the work to maintain your relationships with the people who matter.

Friendship is also about vulnerability. True friendships are built on vulnerability. Being able to share your dreams, your failures and your demons. While meetup culture is all about bumping into people for 5 minutes to judge their worth and if they are worth your time, I prefer long 1-1s. Either over the phone or in person. I am happy to meet just one person over the weekend and spend hours talking about work, life or whatever is interesting to us. I am not trying to get anything from them.

Twitter is another place where you can get the illusion of having a big network. But this network is not going to help when you just had a bad day at work and want to rant to a close friend without being judged.

My advice is to form deeper connections. Let go of optionality. Yes, meet new people. But do not ignore your friends. Buying new plants is fun. But you need to water the old ones. Otherwise they die.