This blogpost is not an exhaustive summary of the book. Just contains the notes I took

  1. Keenly observe things around you. Use all your senses and not just smell.

  2. Always focus on the context when it comes to non verbal cues.

  3. There are two types of cues: universal non verbal cues and idiosyncratic ones which are unique to an individual.

  4. Observe and set baseline behavior.

  5. Learn to differentiate between comfort and discomfort behavior.

  6. Neck touching and/or stroking is one of the most significant and frequent pacifying behaviors we use in responding to stress. Women specifically touch their neck, play with hair. Men adjust tie, shirt.

  7. Note what part of the body a person pacifies.

  8. Freeze, flight or fight are default responses in case of stress.

  9. Concentrate on feet and leg first. And face at last. ‘Happy feet’ shows elation. See where the feet points.

  10. A knee clasp with person bent forward means she wants to leave. Toe pointing upward is a positive cue.

  11. Feet close to each other is submissive behavior. Legs spread apart is controlling, aggressive. Crossed legs mean comfort.

  12. Mirroring is a comfort trait.

  13. See if someone is trying to create barrier. One sitting position might put the knee in front making it seem like a blocker for physical contact. This generally means lack of trust/comfort.

  14. Foot lock is a freeze behavior. If this is accompanied by a pacifying behavior then take notice.